BOOM! I jump about a foot high in the bed. Another thunderstorm in the middle of the night! Seriously! The room lights up from the next big bolt of lightning. One Mississippi, Two Mississippi, Three Mississippi...BOOM!
I lay there once again eyes WIDE open! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...just like clockwork. Tap, Tap, Tap on my shoulder.
"Mommy, I heard thummer" and this is just the beginning of my night! My sweet cherub climbs in bed beside me making me the oven roasted turkey to the Darling Husband and Superboy sandwich! And, as usual, they both fall back to sleep...quickly and soundly! Darling Husband on the verge of snoring.
I lay there for what seems like an hour. Thinking. Counting those damn sheep. Thinking again! Reminding myself...I gotta get up earlier than 7:00 am this morning to get the kids to school on time. My inner diva is singing, "Here's my number, So call me maybe" forever stuck in my conscience. I wonder if that is my alter ego just trying to mess with me? Or, maybe it is because that song is WAY overplayed so much that my Superboy knows every word!!!
Finally, I decide to put my wings on and gently rise above the two pieces of Honey Wheat bread surrounding me who are sleeping oh so nicely. I cup my hands under my sweet cherub and scoop him into my arms to move him over to the pillow blanket on the floor that he usually sneaks onto in the middle of the night from his upstairs bungalow.
Wait...where is it? It is usually in the middle of the floor every night. Am I blind? I can't feel it with my feet. Where is a flash of lightning when I need it. This little cherub is getting heavy...Darling Husband still sleeping!
Look for the dog. Dog will be on it!
Ahhh! Over on the side of the bed by the now snoring husband. With my foot, because I have a full sack of Idaho potatoes in my arms, I manage to yank up the heavy pillow blanket, startling the Dog.
What the hell is that? Some "terrible awful" (to quote Minny Jackson) sound coming from my dog. Is he choking? There he goes again. Darling husband finally manages to let out a grown and shuffles around to sit up. Can I get back to counting sheep please?
Flash!! Oh good...I am not blind! One Mississippi, Two Mississippi, Three Mississippi, Four Mississippi, Five Mississippi...BOOM! Storm is getting farther away. Am I just dreaming this? Is this a nightmare?
There he goes again...that sound. Darling Husband is now sitting up and turns on the lamp on the bedside table. "What is that?" he questions as if I am suppose to have all the answers at 3:50 in the morning.
Clearly our Dog is choking! We scramble to get the Pillow Blanket out, unleash the cherub who is threatening to wake and get the Dog out of the room.
There he goes again. What in the world? Did I do some kind of magic trick when I tried to yank the blanket from underneath the dog. Why is he all of a sudden choking after he was snoring in unisom with Darling Husband.
Now in the kitchen, Darling Husband and I are violently awake and both questioning what is going on. Dog can't stop with the horendous noise. It keeps going and going...Loudly! I begin to panic. Am I about to see my dog die? Am I about to see my husband cry over one of the precious yet crazy parts of our little life?
Then all of a sudden Darling Husband shoves his rather large, manly hand down Dog's throat. Did I just see that at 4:15 in the morning? He does it again...nothing. The violent sound continues. Again. Nothing. Dog looks at me with sad eyes. Now I am about to cry. We have a love hate relationship...the Dog and I! Dog now jumps on me as if we are about to do The Waltz. Me...why me?
Mommy Mode kicks in. Bread. Maybe he needs something to eat to get whatever is choking him down? Run to the pantry to grab some Honey Wheat (not much left, will have to go out for lunch tomorrow). I start feeding Dog the bread and he wolfs it (pun intended) down. Two pieces and I get a "STOP" from the drill sargent. We wait a few minutes. Seems as though it worked...proud mama! Ok it worked! Good! Back to the sheep...or inner diva singing!
Clean up bread crumbs and grab a glass of water for myself and there it goes again for what seemed like forever! Poor Dog! What is happening? Water...maybe he needs water? My water that was going to bed with me was swiftly being poured down dogs throat. Nothing...he keeps yelping. What to do?
Darling Husband looks at my hand. Ah damn! I know what he is thinking. "Honey, your hand is smaller than mine." And, before he could even ask, he was opening Dog's jaws and my hand was slowly going down his throat to try to de-clutter (for a lack of better words) whatever was going on down there.
Teeth. All I could feel were teeth. Then I believe I went back to that nightmare for the next few seconds. And, then out! My hand is in one piece yet rather slimmy.
Nothing! The noise is still protruding out of my big stubborn Dog's helpless little soul! I try it again. Teeth. Nightmare. Nothing.
More water. More waltzing. More bread. And, he finally stops.
I finally head back to bed before the munchkins wake up and leave Darling Husband to monitor the Dog. Ah! Finally sleep!
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP! Again! What is that? Darling Husband's phone alarm in the bathroom. I need about 30 more minutes...kids can eat breakfast in the car on the way to school.
"So, here's my number...Call me maybe" OMG!! What now? Not that song! Of all songs! It's Darling Husband's clock radio on his bedside table. How many alarm's does this man need? I hit it with my fist. And, surprisingly fall back to sleep thinking I can throw in a no-brainer Lunchable for their lunch...I will make them a good dinner!
"Honey, it's time to get up and get the kids going," says Darling Husband. 7:25! Oh crap! Here we go! And, we are off to do it all over again...cup of java in hand and hopefully an afternoon nap in the near future!
Oh, and fyi, you know that annoying tickle you can get in your throat where you can't stop coughing and you think a peppermint is going to do the trick but it never does? Well, apparently dogs can get them, too!! Until the next Waltz!!